Why even bother.....

Sometimes I feel like Eeyore. Like there is a dark raincloud over my head and nothing good is going to happen. I try so hard to stay positive and keep reminding myself of all the blessings in my life, but then once a month I have to start all over again.

I told myself that as long as I was pregnant by what would have been my due date (March 27th) that everything would be okay. But that is a lot of pressure. We have been trying for six months now with no luck. That's six times that I've wondered (and hoped) that my symptoms were pregnancy symptoms only to find out that they were symptoms of my period. Six times that I've prayed and hoped and wished and waited anxiously for a certain date, only to be discouraged and frustrated by my period. And it is so discouraging to have to suffer through a period when that is the last thing in the world that you want to be doing.

Now I am no longer dealing as much with the emotions of the miscarriage, but am dealing with the emotions of trying unsuccessfully to become pregnant. It gives new meaning to the concept of a monthly cycle. Not only is my body going through a cycle, but my emotions are as well. And every time I get my period I feel anger, disappointment, sadness, and it brings up all the feelings I had with the miscarriage all over again.

The past couple months I've tried just "letting it all go" and not putting so much pressure on myself. I've tried thinking "whatever will happen will happen", but that's so much easier said than done.

Every day I remind myself of all the blessings that I have in my life and there are many. I remind myself that there are MUCH worse things in life than what we are going through, and that many people are much worse off than we are. I tell myself that I am so blessed to have two beautiful children and a supportive husband and that we are lucky to be healthy, have jobs, and a house, and that the kids have both sets of grandparents so close by.

March 27th is almost here and I am not going to be pregnant by then, but it will be okay. I will just keep telling myself things will all work out for the best. What else can we do?